I am currently on a bit of a diet. Which started when one of the butchers at work said to me that there was a rumour going round work that I am pregnant.
This is the wrong thing to say to a woman for two reasons:
1. She will automatically feel fat
2. She will start doing period math in her head and wondering if perhaps she is pregnant and start to panic.
So, with the extreme unlikelihood that I am actually knocked up (heaven forbid, touch wood!), I must come to the conclusion that I am just a little bit fat. I have developed a wine baby.
The only plus side to putting on weight is my boobs and cleavage are truly spectacular and this does tend to detract from the protruding belly and wobbly thighs.
Anyway, I am struggling. My problem is I like to eat food and drink alcohol. I don’t eat fruit and I don’t like vegetables. So diets are difficult. The only other solution is to exercise more, but I don’t belong to a gym and its far too bloody hot to go walking these days.
So in the week lead up to my Christmas party (Where I am wearing my lovely Ann Summers Santa’s Little Helper outfit) I have decided to go on a minimal food diet. Which yesterday consisted of a caramel latte, chicken sandwich (multigrain bread though), dim sim, Smiths BBQ Chips, Vitamin Water, Sugar Free V, McDonalds Snack Wrap, half a pizza roll, pasta salad and a hamburger pattie. Today I have eaten about half a dozen of Ma’s homemade shortbread.
The solution to my dilemma? A pair of spanx.
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