When I was in Bundy over the weekend I got a bit of a shock. I saw, out of the corner of my eye, a girl I went to high school with. After some sneaky reconnaissance I established that it was definitely her and a funny thing happened. My confidence levels and happy drunken high dropped and I felt nauseas in my tummy.
Isn’t it funny how you can not see someone for years and they still make you feel the same way that they did 9 years ago? We were quite good friends, but for the four years at high school she was constantly putting me down in a non-obvious way. And the most I ever did to stand up for myself was not accept her friend request on Facebook last year.
Obvious put-downs I can handle. I’m prepared for them and can let them slide of my back. It’s one disguised as favours or compliments that I have never been able to deal with. Perhaps because my Mother is such an expert at these. Anyway this girl used to do allot of “let’s give you a make over so a boy may actually be interested in you” etc etc, which quite frankly made me want to crawl into the cupboard under the stairs and cry. Because I knew perfectly well that I wasn’t very attractive at the age of 15 (I didn’t get boobs or hips until about 20), and I was a bit strange back then as well. And people drawing attention to this bothered me.
It bothered me as much as people saying “You’re so funny Ginger”. People have been saying this to me for as long as I can remember and every time, even when its from people whom I genuinely love and I know genuinely love me, it’s like a little punch in the gut. Because I feel deep down that they mean ‘Funny Peculiar’ not ‘Funny Ha Ha’.
I wish I could say I was brave and went and spoke to High School Girl on Saturday night, but I didn’t. I just couldn’t face it. Especially the “What are you up to now” conversation that is obligatory. So I avoided her, and soothed my distress with Vodka and dancing to Sexy Guitarist.
POST / DAY 15 of 365
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