Comebacks for the Inevitable Question

I recently attended a 70th birthday and caught up with lots of old friends.

Some of the guests, I had not seen for more than 5 years, and the first question they inevitably asked me was “Got yourself a man yet”.

As I, slightly disheartened, asked my father (that’s right – I went to a party on a Friday night with my parents) to take me home, it occurred to me that perhaps I should think up a variety of excuses to use in such situations.  I mean, I could say “Oh, I’m not really looking/haven’t found the right one” however this makes for very dull conversation.

So I did some googling and found some that I think are rather good which I encourage all single people to use when there nosy friends start interrogating…

“Why limit myself to be dissatisfied with one when I could be dissatisfied with infinite variety”

“Married people are not superior people – even Frankenstine got married”

“Are you getting divorced yet?”

“I’m not done boozing and whoring”

And my absolute favourite…

“If you had a dollar for every time someone asked me that you may be able to afford me”

And whilst I do grumble that people were more interested in my love life then my career, studies or general state of well being, it was a pleasant evening all round, and it was nice to see that even after all this time, some things and people will never change.

“How Are You? What STILL Single?” “Oh Sod Off”

Recently I’ve attempted catching up with some people I have not seen in awhile, and their first question is always “Any boys” “Seeing anyone”.  Quiet frankly it makes me a little cross.

Whether or not I am seeing anyone is not an indication of my well-being, how I am doing, whether or not I am enjoying my job, how my writing or my course is going or if I am currently just a bit fat (well, this COULD be an indication as to why I’m not seeing anyone). 

My reply that indeed I am still single is always met with one of the following:

a) The right one will come along when you are not looking or
b) Plenty of fish in the sea, bla bla bla or
c) You better get a move on or all the good men are taken.

I don’t mean to sound so Bridget Jones-ish, but really must all the smug married people be so fricking patronising. Coming from a small town it seems your self worth is based on whether or not you are shacked up. 

The fact of the matter is, I can’t see myself staying in this supposedly idyllic (read dull) quiet coastal village for the rest of my life.  I am not done having adventures, and it would take someone extraordinary to deter me from this.  Yes it would be lovely to have someone to share these adventures with, but I’m just as happy with the companionship of my friends, and the company of myself.

And since my resolution to stop whoring around has left me thinking that perhaps finding a man should be a little higher up on my agenda (purely so I can relieve some of my daily frustrations in a more satisfying way), I am not going to go out of my way to achieve this.

I’ve managed to evade Mother’s continual requests for grandchildren by the addition of our adoring and affectionate Border Collie, if only I could do the same for my friends.

My Online Experience

Loyal readers will know well of my dabbles with online dating.

Last week I had a typical online dating experience.  To be honest I didn’t really want to go on it, I knew I didn’t like him all that much but my friends convinced me that I can’t wait around for the guy you fancy to decide he really fancies you back.

We met for a drink after work. To start with he admits he was always late to everything and incapable of being on time. He therefore continually interrupted me halfway through conversation with unrelated things.  He seemed uninterested in what I had to say, but was interested in making some rather racist comments about South Africans.

The next 45 minutes dragged on and I found myself wishing I was anywhere else but there. The icing on the cake was when he admitted that he frequently checked out 15 years old girls (this was the point where I heard Hawkeye’s voice telling me that only weirdo’s go online)

It was such a relief to get home, drink chocolate milk and watch DVD’s.  Online dating is such a horrific experience and I’ve come to realise, in a small town like this one that the people on there are single for a reason.

Frequently you hear stories about how people met the love of their lives on the internet.  In fact, one of my old friends met her current live-in-boyfriend via Facebook.  I however have had no such luck.

Lots of online conversations, 3 dates (this one by far the worst, seconded by the guy who turned out to be about a foot and a half shorter than me) and many blogs later I think that perhaps this online business has had its day for me.

Sigh. 

My Valentine…

 

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and I am being assaulted from every which way with red and pink hearts.. e-marketing for last minute valentines gifts and flowers galore.

Which is why its such a shame that once again I won’t be receiving any Valentines. 

In general I am very anti-valentines day.  It’s highly commercial and pointless holiday, just like Mothers & Fathers Day.  Its roots are in ye olde traditions, but more of that to come later.

It would be nice if come Sunday, someone miraculously wanted to be my valentine. Ideally he would be…

• A nice boy – not an asshole
• Monogamous – no cheaters need apply
• Be nice to me – for example he wouldn’t not be in touch after a date
• He would like me and ideally want to spend time with me
• It would be a bonus is he was attractive and had an accent
• It would also be a bonus if he was talented in the bedroom
• But mainly he would be nice to me

Beyond My Control

It is a truth universally acknowledged that as soon as you make the executive decision to cut something or someone from your life, it or they will immediately pop back into it.

Not that this is always a bad thing, but it leads to lots of confusion in my head.   This happened over the past week.  Just as I made the decision to stop whoring around and be off men for awhile, I make a date to go and see a guy I was really rather into. 

I thought to myself, it’ll be fine, it’ll be good to see him, because I do enjoy their company.  And it was good, too good. Now I have stupid feelings again.  I really would rather not have feelings for people, especially not until I am 100% sure that they reciprocate.  But this really is something beyond anyone’s control.  You can never help how you feel about something.  Whether its a boy, a food or a song.

But as I drove home I thought to myself, quit making such a big deal out of things.  It has been a habit of mine for years to over analyse situations, and think too much about things. Therefore, from now on, I am just going to take things as they come. Not make grand sweeping statements about how I am not going to do things, but just see what comes up on the way. 

Good plan. And an good weekend. Now where’s my wine?

The Loneliest Time Of The Year

Today is December 1st and as I sit listening to Christmas Carols, I get that familiar tug on the heartstrings I get every year that reminds me that I am single.

In general I quite enjoy being single, I can snog and shag whoever I like, and I no longer spend my weekends washing my live-in boyfriends work clothes, shopping for food to feed him during the week and then not seeing him from Friday Night until Sunday Arvo.

But as soon as the tinsel comes out I find myself longing that I had myself a little 3 bedroom Old-Queenslander, a Christmas tree of my own to trim, a group of friends that I could bake Christmas goodness for, and someone to share it with.  All in all, the holidays are truly a terrible time to be alone.

I’m sure that this year will be better, I have finally got some friends on the Sunshine Coast that want to play with me and unlike last year, I have all my lovely things around me in our new house (even if it is my parents). But as it gets closer and closer to December it also reminds me how very far away I am from the people I love the most.

Ali, Andre and Indy (about 300kms), Saffa & My Godson (about 800kms), My Brother & Nephews (about 1800kms), Miss B (about 4000kms), My London family (16,533kms).  All so very far away. 

It’s days like this that I praise the invention of the world wide web. Because of email, Skype and Facebook I am only a click away from the people I love.  And quite frankly I’d rather wake up alone on every Christmas Morning until I die than be without my extended family of friends. 

Day 16 of 365

Internet Dating

Many of my friends have convinced me to sign myself up on many internet dating sites.

It has been kind of fun.. you get to look at peoples profiles but the whole thing has made me realise that I'm not quite ready to go down this field.

My problem is that the sites seem to be filled with stupid people. I clearly said that I didn't want anyone over the age of 30 or who lived more than 50kms away. The only contacts I seem to get are from 56 year olds living in Sydney (which is a whole other state). And I know it's harsh but I just cannot see myself ever being with someone who can't follow basic instructions.

I have decided to give it a rest for awhile. I know alot of people have met their partners on dating sites, but I just find the whole thing very depressing. But it doesn't stop me checking my profile daily... just in case...