Tsunami? Oh My God, We Are All Going To Die!

Drinking wine on the Gold Coast on Saturday night, I wasn’t overly surprised to see a sever weather warning on the telly.  It is, after all our rainy time of year (for my many international readers – the “Sunshine Coast” is in the middle of a monsoonal low and it has been raining pretty much non-stop for a week) however it wasn’t for heavy rain or flash flooding. 

It was for a bloody tsunami.  Being my fathers daughter I immediately logged onto the Queensland Bureau of Meteorology website to see YES because of the earthquake in Chile a tsunami has been created.

Cue extreme paranoia.  Turns out, I’m not so good in a crisis.  I should have had this figured out after the Oktoberfest Bus Crash of 2008, where instead or remaining calm and bracing myself, I clutched at the boy I was seeing at the time screaming we’re going to die.  I was fricking PANICKY that not only might I drown, but that I would lose my car. 

This then caused me not to be able to sleep due to listening for the crashing on waves and warning sirens.  My insomnia could only be cured by a late night visit to a friend just over the way.. where a much needed cuddle calmed me down to the point where I could nap for a few hours.

Until I awoke at dawn and was out of bed every ten minutes checking to see if a killer wave had drowned my car.

So is Miss Ginger as calm, cool and collected as she likes to think she is? 

Apparently not.

PS. Whilst am very glad that no Tsunami hit Australia, thoughts and prayers are with the people of Chile.. and I hope people aren’t too stingy after helping Haiti to help Chile as well xx

The Most Fun You Can Have

Today I ventured down to the Gold Coast to see my very good friends Ali, Andre and baby Indi.  As always I had a lovely time, and that child is a delight to be around and makes my biological clock start to tick tock.

Saturday we went to Dreamworld (A theme park a’la Thorpe Park or Universal Studios for my overseas readers).  I am adamant that a waterslide, rollercoaster, hot dog and children’s TV characters combined is the most fun a girl can have without Vodka and boys.

Whilst lining up for another go on one of the most awesome waterslides EVER, my childlike enthusiasm could not be contained. One of the boys who was with us asked me how old I was.. but I do not mind.  I was enjoying myself immensely. 

When your weary or feeling small, when tears are in your eyes.. forget crossing that bridge over troubled waters. What you need is to shoot down into a massive cone of water on an inflatable tube. 

It will put a MASSIVE smile on your face. 

Away This Weekend

Off to the Gold Coast this afternoon, so just doing a cheeky blog on my lunch break. Time seems to have gotten away from me this week.

I'll update Sunday night after my Legen-Dary trip to Dreamworld and Ikea.

xx

10 Things I Love About Me

I received a forward in my inbox today.. it was one of those "Answer all these awesome questions about yourself" quizes. 

In my younger years I very much enjoyed doing these, and even today will still participate if I am putting off doing something at work. 

So today I thought I would give you 10 random facts about me that only my closest friends know. 

1. I DESPISE talking on the phone.  If I answer your phone call, consider yourself lucky
2. I am afraid of fire, heights and flying (but yet I love airports)
3. I collect postcards. I am probably up to at least 1000 and love to get them from random places in the world.  Feel free to post me some!
4. I am shamelessly addicted to Harry Potter, Twilight and trashy regency romance novels
5. I dislike hair removal.  It's time consuming, products are expensive, I get bad ingrown hairs and shaving rashes.  Whilst I enjoy the silky smooth feeling of freshly shaved legs as much as the next person, I would honestly rather spend my time doing something else. 
6. I am no longer sure that I want children
7. In my 26.5 years, no man has ever told me he loved me and meant it
8. I wish I was better at my job
9. If I could be anything I wanted, it would be an author / famous sexy dancer
10. If I won the lotto, I wouldn't tell a soul.  Probably not even my Dad
    So there you go, you have all learnt something for today.

Tiger Eats Humble Pie

We are all aware of Tiger Woods televised apology to his family and the golfing community that was broadcast last week. 

I thought about this today while I was driving along this morning.  And I have a question for you Tiger..

Are you really sorry? Or are you just sorry you got caught?

Apologies often don’t have much meaning to them.  I apologise to my mother after an argument frequently when I don’t really mean it, I just do it to keep the peace.  I run into someone in the street, I apologise, but I don’t mean it.  What I am really saying is “Look where you are going dumb ass”.  How many times have we all said “I’m sorry but.. Insert something we don’t really want to do and are therefore making up an apologetic excuse here”

Did Tiger’s apology resolve anything? I think it is more likely to have brought the whole sordid affair once again to the forefront of peoples minds.  Did it garner him any respect? Perhaps.  Perhaps not. On the one hand, he declared to the world that he was sorry for betraying his family, which must have taken some guts.  On the other hand it doesn’t change the fact he is a dirty lying cheat.  

Tiger, do you really think that getting back on the path to Buddhism will refrain you from accepting the advances of young attractive buxom easy women?

I particularly enjoyed the part of his speech where he claimed that Elin never struck him, and shame on the world for thinking it.  I can assure you Tiger, that I was not thinking any less Elin.  In fact I applaud her.  If you were my husband, and I found out you had cheated on me with, how many was it? 12 women? A beating with a golf club would be the least of your worries.   

Oh and by the way crying red head on the news demanding an apology from Tiger – unless you have the IQ of a carrot you knew perfectly well he was married.  Shame on you.

Date Night

Tonight I am going on a date.  With myself. 

I’ve treated myself to a ticket to The Motown Event!  At 8 o’clock tonight I’ll be singing along to The Temptations, Martha Reeve & The Vandellas, The Four Tops.. I can’t wait.

Motown music is just so cheerful, even the sad songs are upbeat. And I challenge anyone to listen to The Jackson 5 and not feel happy. 

People often look at you with a quizzical expression when you are at such events on your own.  But after 26 years of flying solo it no longer bothers me.  And concerts are something that I think is easy to enjoy on your own.  Especially if you are a much bigger fan than anyone else you know. 

I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow readers!

Ouch

Having a break from exercise is a very bad idea.  I had a few weeks of pole dancing due to illness and laziness, and now I am very very sore.  So sore in fact, I can barely move my arms. 

I am struggling even to write this to be honest. as the strength required to type means slightly moving my arms.

Heaven forbid what I feel like tomorrow.

He’s Just Not That Into Me

The day after Valentine’s Day I got out of my Monday Morning Meeting to find a copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” on my desk.

At the time I was a little put out, but it was from one an old friend who is an avid blog reader who thought it would give me some inspiration. And she was correct.

I bought this book when it first came out many years ago I purchased it and thought that it was by far the best dating book I have ever read. And over my years in London and with c*nts of ex-boyfriends who I was desperately in love with, I forgot about the basic principals of this book.

If a guy likes you, he will call you.  There is no excuse for cheating.  If he’s still seeing her he’s not with you.  If he only wants to see you at 3am or drunk – he’s just not that into you. 

One of my very best friends Pete is very anti-dating books.  And for the most part I agree.  But I could have saved myself a lot of grief over the past year if I had just listened to this book.

I would have realised, very early on, that the members of the manchise were just not that into me. 

My new years resolution to stop whoring around is going to be expanded this year to include the sub-clause – I am not going to chase boys anymore who are not into me. I sent a final email today (can’t help myself with that boy). And now that is it.  I am lovely and obliging and any man would be lucky to have me.

Oxford Calling

My friend Bella is currently all about studying and improving herself.  Quite frankly I’ve been a bit jealous because there is so much that I want to do and just not doing!

I have decided that I am going to enrol in some writing courses via distance education.  And now I’m excited by it!

Oxford University offers some very interesting looking courses in writing and also a ten week course in Jane Austen. 

Because quite frankly, I spent a lot of time doing not very much at all. And this is time I could put to use learning things, improving myself.  And I’d be a lot less bored. 

Now.. to somehow magically pull 500 odd pounds out of my ass.

A Truth Universally Acknowledged

My recent mood I’ve been in lately has left me a bit restless. And in my restlessness I’ve been calling upon my old friends to calm me down. 

I first read Pride and Prejudice when I was 9 years old.  I remember my teacher at the time thought it was too advanced for me, but I had been reading lengthy stories since I was a wee lass (The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe when I was 6).

The story of Darcy and Elizabeth has enchanted me for 18 years. The language of Austen has comforted me for nearly as long. 

Jane Austen was a single lady, who by the time she was my age had written magical stories that have since become some of the most widely read books of all time.

This may sound horribly geeky, but my favourite books are my friends.  When I’ve been sick in bed, or home on a Saturday night, they have always been there.

And they always will. 

The Third Wheel

I have come to the dramatic conclusion that being single is only fun if you have other single people to go out with. 

When you are single amongst a sea of people in happy (and not-so-happy) relationships, then you either suck it up and be a third wheel or stay home.  I mean there is always the option of going on those "Girls Night Outs" where a bunch of girls leave their other halves at home and get obscenely drunk and dance, but you all know that I would rather have a lobotomy then endure too many of these.

I like being single, but the benefits of singledom are more prominent when  people want to go out and play.  Otherwise you just kind of get left behind. 

So for now I have to endure being the third wheel once more, standing by whilst the happy couples smooch away or worse pretending to ignore it when they are snapping at each other.
Thank goodness for wine and romance novels is all I can say

Life. Full Stop.

I seem to be losing interest in things very quickly lately.

I can’t get inspired, I’ve lost interest in reading.  I believe the correct terminology is stuck-in-a-rut. 

Not sure why.  I think it is partly to do with mild case of the mean reds (Breakfast at Tiffany’s – watch it) and unrealistic expectations about how my life is supposed to turn out. 

Wasn’t grown up life supposed to have started by now?

A Letter to the Vatican

Dear Pope,

I am so pleased to hear that you thought to include a list of Top 10 most awesome albums in your Vatican newsletter!

Who would have thought you would have such exquisite taste in music? 

I particularly enjoy that The Beatles ‘Revolver’ is your number one album on the iPod.  An album made by 4 very talented musicians CLEARLY off their head at the early years of Psychedelia, Free Love and LSD.  Interesting fact Pope, did you know that Lennon once claimed his band was “Bigger Than Jesus” which led to much Vinyl burning by church faithfuls? 

Also, Oasis’ classic album ‘What’s The Story Morning Glory?’ With songs about cocaine (Champagne Supernova) and their mop tops, I think these boys were just trying to live up to The Fab Fours reputation.  What do you think Pope?

It is interesting that with the Vatican’s views on divorce that you included one of my all time favourite albums, Rumours by ‘Fleetwood Mac’ on your list.  You do realise the whole album is written whilst the married members of the band were splitting and having affairs?

Perhaps I’ll decline to comment on your inclusion of ‘Dark Side Of The Moon’, despite Pink Floyd’s lead guitarist being a well known Atheist.

Well Pope, I am surprised in your musical tastes and your lack of judgement!  In fact your playlist seems to bear a striking resemblance to my own.  Well done!

Best Wishes,

Miss Ginger

A History Of Valentine’s Day

Valentines Day.  A day romanticised by young women and young lovers the world over.

Of the approximated ONE BILLION Valentine’s sent worldwide each year – I did not receive one.  Not that I am at all bitter about this.

There are many supposed origins of Valentines Day.  One is attributed to the Matyr Valentine being executed by Claudius II for refusing to convert to Roman Paganism, but not before he healed some blind dude.  Another Roman legend is that, due to the fact that single men made better soldiers, marriage was outlawed, and that a priest by the name of Valentine thought this was a dumbass law and continued to marry people anyway. 

Of course this is the supposed “Christianised” version of V-Day.  The Pagan tradition of Luperci coincides with Valentines Day and is all about agriculture, sacrificing animals and having the men of the village give the ladies a slapping with the hide of a freshly skinned goat. The women didn’t mind because it supposedly made them fertile.  Later on in the day all the women would put their names in a big urn and the men would draw out a name and be paired with that girl for a year.  Kind of like a ancient match.com perhaps?

The romantic poet Chaucer supposedly made the first reference to Valentines Day as we know it, in the poem Parlement of Fouels to celebrate Kind Richard II & Anne of Bohemia in 1382.  The translation of this however is apparently widely disputed. 

In Ye Olde Medieval days there were numerous references to Saint Valentine’s Day amongst literature.  Even Shakespeare’s Ophelia (Hamlet: c1600) lamented about the possibility of not getting any loving (well I think so.. it’s been awhile since I studied Shakespeare at school). 

In 1797 a clever chap published The Young Man’s Valentine Writer.  A book full of romantic phrases for the uncreative and unsentimental to use on their lady of fancy.  It was full steam ahead from here on in, with Valentines being factory produced from the early 1800s (well done Industrial Revolution!). 

So from that very first Valentine (supposedly sent by St Valentine himself from a roman prison to a young lass he fancied) to today billion dollar mass produced card and chocolate industry, it seems that nobody can agree on the origins of Valentines Day.  And if a day is going to be celebrated then surely people should at least agree on why?

Or perhaps I am just saying this because I am, yet again, single on Valentines Day. 

*May be historically inaccurate. If so – I blame Wikipedia & history.com!

Why I Love My Dog

As I mentioned recently my parents acquired a lovely lovely doggie last week. 

There are many reasons why I love my dog, but the main reason is:  The pressure is now off for me to get married and produce grandchildren. 

My mother and father have a new child to play with and look after and dote on.  One that is far more affectionate that I ever was. 

So I am very pleased that not only do I have someone to keep me company when I am home alone, I do not have the stress of Ma asking me when I am going to give her a granddaughter.

Well done Gypsy.

A Message to Retailers

Dear Retail Marketing Bosses,

What makes you think that because of a ye olde pagan ritual you can assault me with pink and red hearts for weeks? 

It’s just the sort of thing a single girl needs to feel really good about herself!  I think it would be lovely if you would go and fuck yourself. 

Kind Regards,

Disgruntled Ginger.

…

 

Today I think my “happy” phase is officially over.  Back to feeling a wee bit miserable today. 

My Valentine…

 

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and I am being assaulted from every which way with red and pink hearts.. e-marketing for last minute valentines gifts and flowers galore.

Which is why its such a shame that once again I won’t be receiving any Valentines. 

In general I am very anti-valentines day.  It’s highly commercial and pointless holiday, just like Mothers & Fathers Day.  Its roots are in ye olde traditions, but more of that to come later.

It would be nice if come Sunday, someone miraculously wanted to be my valentine. Ideally he would be…

• A nice boy – not an asshole
• Monogamous – no cheaters need apply
• Be nice to me – for example he wouldn’t not be in touch after a date
• He would like me and ideally want to spend time with me
• It would be a bonus is he was attractive and had an accent
• It would also be a bonus if he was talented in the bedroom
• But mainly he would be nice to me

Feedback? Thoughts? Know Any Single Men?

You can now email me at secretlifeofginger@gmail.com

I’d really love to hear from my readers! Especially those from distant shores.

It thrills me to have readers from different countries (thank you Google Analytics!), especially because I don’t know ANYBODY in Minnesota, Georgia, Hawaii or Madrid!

Until tomorrow x

In The Company Of Females

 

Today I attended my first business womens networking meeting.  “You?” I hear you say.. “But you don’t like feminism!”

Well this is very true dear readers, but I am a massive fan of breakfast.  With the promise of eggs and bacon, maybe a croissant and a muffin I’d show up to a convention supporting Nazis/Terrorists/Whalers. 

I found this event very interesting.  With my industry I was not going to benefit so much from the networking, but I very much enjoyed the people watching. 

What I found interesting was the amount of women over the age of 35 who dye their hair bright artificial tones.  And not just highlights, I’m talking bright pink and purple hair.  My mother was a fan of the brightly coloured highlights until Dad and I told her she looked like an abstract painting and she went back to one lovely shade.

I think perhaps it is about re-claiming youth?  But really, this sort of hair looks good on no-one.  Very few people can pull off artificial hair tones and I think these people are usually dancers, artists or musicians with very fair skin. 

Also ladies, once you reach a certain age it is important to note that you will look far far sexier in a modest neckline and a knee length dress, than if you wear plunging neckline and a skirt up to your bits like you did in your twenties.  Fair enough go tight if you’ve still got your figure, why the hell not show it off. But there comes a point in every woman’s life when your hemline should be lowered.

This may sound a bit ageist but I think its more a matter of etiquette and class.  Think Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep, keeping it sexy and styling in their 50s and 60s by covering their knees and bingo wings. 

And these observations were all made this morning because my breakfast failed to capture my attention.  My eggs were runny, the bacon fatty and undercooked and there was NO TOAST. Honestly.

Crazy Health Nuts

For as long as I can remember, my eating habits have been the topic of much discussion in my workplaces. 

It all started when I worked at on Organic Foodstore when I was at University.  They tried and tried to convert me to organic this, supplement that, fruit fruit veg veg.  And after 7 years of working there I did not change.

When I worked in London my “London Mummies” as I like to call them (the lovely ladies who worked in my department) used to despair over my dietary choices.  However my dietary choices during these years of my life were mainly made on the basis of “what can I buy for 50p?”  In the end they bribed me with a star chart (I’m rather easily pleased) and I would get a star for every piece of fruit I ate. 

Now I work in a company where the directors are very eco-conscious, health conscious etc. I see my boss look at me in disgust when I proclaim that a Chico Roll is a tasty treat after a night out. 

But you know what – I KNOW perfectly well what is healthy and not healthy. I KNOW my diet is not perfect, but I am trying to do better.  I do not like fruit very much. I will at vegetables because I have to, not because I want to. My weekend diet of Vodka and chips suits me just fine. 

Yes it makes me a little bit fat, yes I’m sure that I’ve got mercury poisoning from eating tinned tuna (for CRYING OUT LOUD can’t we do ANYTHING anymore?). I don’t care!  I like delicious fatty tasty food. Preferably in pastry.  If I had my way I’d live on a diet of red meat and potatoes. 

So please stop pestering me. I am doing just fine!

The Fine Line of Friendship

I’ve been in a bit of a dilemma recently. 

There is a line in friendships which sometimes you just have to cross. And this is the line between keeping your mouth shut and speaking up.

Those who know me personally know that I have never been one for the ‘keeping your mouth shut’ option and I’ve been known to put my foot in my mouth on many an occasion and say things out of place.

But sometimes it is called for. When you have a friend that you love like family and you see them doing things detrimental to their well-being, whether it be emotionally or physically, then I think it is your responsibility as a friend to tell them to quit being a dumbass.

I think that perhaps I’d rather be unpopular for awhile then sit back and watch something that is clearly not on.

Puppy Love

Today I had a first.  For the first time in my 26 years, I have had a family pet. 

My parents rescued a beautiful 2 year old Border Collie named Gypsy from the pound today. 

I feel a bit maternal… she is GORGEOUS. 

In other news still very ill… been in bed for two days with a shitty cold / chest infection.

The Downfall to Social Networking.

Social networking was thrust upon us all a few years ago, and for what its worth I’m glad it did.

The pitfall of Facebook however, is that you are always going to find things out you would rather not. Like seeing pictures of someone cheating on you.  Or seeing friends in photos at events that you were clearly not invited to. 

And just when you seem to have completely forgotten about your ex-boyfriend who broke your heart into a million pieces, you log onto a mutual friends page to write something and find out he is having a baby. With the girl he chose over you.  And what makes it worse is you never find out this information when you are a high point and blissfully happy.

You always find out when you are in bed, off work for the second day due to a flu with pimples all over your face and boobs trying to ignore all the “Get a Date For Valentine’s Day” emails that dating websites keep sending me.

Protecting Your Family Honour? More Like Burying It Alive…

As you know readers, I am not often political, and do not often give my views on things like human rights.

But today I read an article (read here) that made my already flu-ish stomach churn even more. 

In Turkey, a 16 year old girl by the name of Medine Memi was buried alive in an “honour killing” because she made friends with boys.  To quote an expert "The autopsy result is blood-curdling. According to our findings, the girl, who had no bruises on her body and no sign of narcotics or poison in her blood, was alive and fully conscious when she was buried.” 

In general I am respectful of other cultures.  I appreciate that we are different and I love to travel and see how people do things in other places.  Turkey, in fact was one of my favourite countries that I have so far seen.  Even when something goes against my beliefs, I will still try and see their side of it.

But quite frankly, I thank the Lord that I was not born in a country where my family would murder me for talking to a strange man.  Where friendship with men brings dishonour to your family.  I’m sorry, I thought brutally abusing and murdering your own child brings dishonour aplenty to the family name.

I studied human rights as part of my International Business degree whilst at University and I remember reading about the many atrocities against women under the extreme Sharia Law.  And I am ashamed to say that for the most part I have put it out of my mind. 

Frequent readers will know that I am not a feminist, that I like traditional roles for women and that I can’t stand girls nights out. But my opinions and perspective comes from a middle-class western background where women, for the most part, do have equal standing amongst men.  But I would gladly endure a thousand girls night outs to see this injustice to women stop. 

iDon’t Get It

The release of the iPad brought about much discussion around the morning tea table at work.

It seems like these days everybody has an iPhone, wants to be able to read books on it and check their facebook whilst waiting for a bus.

For the record, I am not against technology.  There are some things like the internet  that I embrace fully.  After all, would I ever have been able to write a blog read by people all over the world? (PS.. Big shout out to my readers in the UK, Canada, New Zealand, Spain, UK and Jordon!). But there are some things that I will never embrace.

I will not want to read a book on an electronic device.  I want to be able to pick it up, read it, see the lovely books on my bookshelf. 

I do not want a fancy phone.  Yes, I need my mobile, in fact I LOVE my mobile.  But I do not want a phone where I can access the internet.  I’m addicted enough to the internet as it is without being able to carry it around with me!  Not to mention that a cheap phone lasts forever! My current Nokia is about 3 years old and has been thrown across rooms, skidded meters across concrete, gotten countless glasses of wine spilt on it and been in the toilet. And still, it works.

So Apple – whilst I love my iPod.. the iPad leaves me unimpressed.

Sore Throat :(

Have the beginnings of a cold coming on. My throat is swollen and sore.  Am trying to think of someone I can blame this on, but have come up with nothing.

Being sick is a horrible thing, my Ex just used to tell me to harden up, Mother always makes me feel like I brought it upon myself and then goes on about how I should eat better (coming from the woman who hasn’t eaten a piece of fruit since 1973).  Dad is usually sympathetic, but will stay well away from me.

So yet another uninspiring blog I’m afraid readers, until I can get my head de-snotted.

House vs Blackadder

Currently I’m watching House, which I taped on Sunday night.  Sitting her I can’t help thinking what a brilliant actor Hugh Laurie is. 

Most people only see him as House, but not me.  I see him as the bumbling British Percy from Blackadder. And I think I always will.

(Sorry this is a RUBBISH blog… I’ll try and do better next time xx)