Office Parties

Last night there was a company shindig, which I declined to attend (despite the temptation of free food and drink, I decided that the thought of making small talk with soon to be ex-colleagues from the Swedish office I’ve never met just wasn’t for me). This morning, the office is full of the casual and familiar banter that is always in abundance after work nights out.

It got me thinking about the “ghosts of office parties past” and how incredibly drunk I used to get at them. It was after a string of them that I made the decision to no longer

drink myself into a stupor at company events. Here’s why…  

My first Christmas Party, was at my employers house. I passed out in the (empty) spa bath and told the bosses gay son it was a shame he was gay. To be fair though, I was only 18 and didn’t hold my alcohol very well.

The following year was the famed “ambulance” year, where I got so drunk on beer I haven’t been able to stomach a sip since. That was the year that my colleagues called an ambulance when I started foaming at the mouth, I threw up in my friend’s car all the way home, went head first into my letterbox and upon arriving on my front doorstep – my Dad stripped me out of my vomit covered clothes and hosed me down in the backyard. #Fail.

The year after that was a sober one, and I then continued into more drunken frivolity. Dirty Dancing on tabletops with company CEO’s, passing out in Santa chairs, shenanigans with employees, stealing bottles of wine, and offering to let people feel my boobs.

Oh yes, when this lady gets access to an open bar her behavior does in fact turn slightly whorish. Good fun nonetheless, but not appropriate in the professional arena.

So today, I’m feeling slightly smug that I am hangover free, whilst everyone else is feeling slightly worse for wear.